How to motivate your child at school when they’re losing confidence

A disappointing report card rarely comes as a surprise. Very often, the parents had already noticed certain signs: their child seemed less engaged, did their homework half-heartedly, and gave evasive answers when asked about school. The report card merely confirms a reality that has been taking shape for several weeks.

What is often interpreted as a lack of motivation actually masks a deeper problem: the child’s loss of confidence in their ability to succeed. When children lack self-confidence, taking on a challenge becomes risky. Sometimes they would rather give up than risk confirming their own self-doubt.

By understanding this mechanism, we can intervene more effectively. Here are the key signs to watch for and the most helpful strategies for rebuilding your child’s confidence in school in a lasting way.

Research by Quebec-based researcher Rolland Viau shows that academic motivation is based on three factors: the value placed on school, a sense of control over one’s academic performance, and, above all, children’s perception of themselves as students.

Of these three factors, self-perception is generally the most decisive. When a student begins to believe that they are no longer capable of succeeding, they may enter a downward spiral: their engagement is replaced by doubt, their performance declines, and this decline reinforces their initial doubt.

That’s why it’s often more effective to build confidence before you even get around to discussing study or organizational methods.

1. They say, “I’m hopeless” or “I’ll never be able to do it”

The child is no longer describing a one-time difficulty. They are turning a failure into a personal trait.

2. They give up quickly when faced with an obstacle

The fear of failure becomes stronger than the desire to try. Every exercise involves an emotional risk.

3. They hide their grades or avoid showing their work

A sense of shame gradually sets in regarding their relationship with school.

4. They are always comparing themselves to others

Their self-esteem depends more on the success of others than their own progress.

5. They no longer believe that their efforts are doing any good

This is often the most concerning sign. When a child is convinced that working harder won’t make a difference, their commitment to school loses all meaning.

In elementary school: the fear of letting others down

Between the ages of 6 and 11, children often have a hard time distinguishing their achievements from their self-worth. They can easily decide that a bad grade is proof that they are “not good.”

A difficulty with reading or math can then go unnoticed for several months and gradually lead to discouragement.

Starting high school: the shock of the transition

The transition to high school is a particularly sensitive time. A study by UQAM reports that 42% of young people are already exhibiting moderate levels of anxiety related to academic success.

The student who had no trouble succeeding in elementary school discovers that they now have to work harder. Many interpret this change as a lack of capability rather than a normal evolution of requirements.

During adolescence: performance anxiety

Among older students, a loss of confidence often manifests as significant performance anxiety. Some studies estimate that up to 43% of adolescents experience moderate to severe school-related anxiety.

Behind a teenager who appears unmotivated, there may simply be a young person who is afraid of failing.

1. Harness the power of “not yet”

Psychologist Carol Dweck has popularized the concept of a growth mindset. The idea is simple: replace definitive judgments with phrasing that leaves room for progress.

Instead of saying,

“You’re not good at math”

Try this:

“You’re not getting it yet. What exactly is holding you back?”

This distinction may seem minor, but it can profoundly change the way a child perceives their difficulties.

2. Focus on small wins

Confidence cannot be rebuilt with abstract words of encouragement. It is rebuilt through concrete experiences of success.

Start with exercises that your child can complete with a reasonable amount of effort. Each success becomes tangible proof of their ability to make progress.

Celebrate the process rather than the result:

“You really put a lot of thought into your reasoning” will often have more impact than “Good job on your grade.”

3. Restoring meaning to learning

A child who doesn’t see the point of what they’re learning will have a hard time staying engaged.

Instead of jumping right into the topic of grades, try to make connections between school subjects and your child’s interests.

Statistics may be of interest to a sports fan. Cooking can bring science to life. The more a school subject is connected to a student’s world, the more naturally motivation develops.

4. Adapt conversations to their age

After a bad grade, your first reaction matters a lot.

In elementary school, focus on open-ended questions:

“What was hard for you?”

In high school:

“I’m not here to judge your grade. I’d like to understand how you feel.”

A simple rule often works very well: ask a few questions before giving advice.

5. Celebrate achievements outside of school

Confidence is transferable.

Children who excel in sports, music, strategy games, or an artistic activity have already demonstrated that they are capable of learning.

Help them make the connection:

“You learned how to do that. What would stop you from making the same kind of progress in school?”

This approach helps build self-esteem based on real, tangible achievements.

6. Involve a trusted third party

Sometimes, a parent is no longer the best person to bring about change on their own.

Communication is often easier with a tutor, because they are a neutral party. The same advice is sometimes better received when it comes from an outsider.

This is one of the reasons why child confidence tutoring often yields quick results. The young person finds a space where mistakes are allowed and where progress is observed without the emotional burden of family expectations.

On that note, Tutorax’s certified tutors support Quebec students by helping them build confidence as well as master their subjects.

Parents often think of academic confidence in terms of the next test or report card.

Yet its effects extend far beyond that.

A student who believes in their abilities is more likely to graduate from high school, consider a college program, and confidently plan their post-secondary future.

Academic confidence acts as a catalyst. The RESP provides the financial resources needed to make educational plans a reality.

The two go hand in hand: confidence opens doors, and funding makes it possible to walk through them.

Most situations improve with the right support and a few adjustments to family routines.

However, it is recommended to seek professional advice when the loss of confidence is accompanied by:

• significant anxiety in several areas of life;
• recurring physical symptoms;
• refusal to go to school;
• pronounced social withdrawal.

In Quebec, parents can turn to school professionals, remedial educators, or the Fondation Jeunes en Tête, which offers a variety of resources on mental health and anxiety among young people.

Tutorax’s summer classes can also provide a reassuring transition for a child who needs to regain confidence before the start of the school year.