Self-awareness: the key to making career choices for teens

Your child is gradually moving past the sweetness and innocence of childhood and stepping into the amazing, yet challenging, stage known as adolescence. It’s like Dorothy said in The Wizard of Oz: “We’re not in Kansas anymore.”

Here are some concrete—but not oversimplified—ways to help your teen get to know themselves better, strengthen their decision-making skills and build a solid foundation for their future career choices. I will also suggest ways to connect with them.

In this article, you will learn how to:

• Strengthen your young person’s self-awareness;
• Listen to your teen to help them think;
• Help them understand and tame their emotions;
• Create a reassuring daily presence;
• Trust the process that is adolescence.

In adolescence, young people still have many dimensions of their identity to discover. They seek to learn more about themselves through their experiences and the way others see them. Feedback from people they value, like their parents, naturally becomes more important.

In fact, 80% of young people see their parents as a valuable source of support.¹

Name their strengths

As a parent, you have a front-row seat to your child’s development. By sharing your perspective, you can offer them a unique look at themselves, highlighting aspects of their personality that they have not yet recognized or that they may have internalized.

Rather than attaching labels that risk setting their identity in stone (“You are conscientious, intelligent, impulsive...”), discuss these characteristics in a concrete context or in the form of behavioural observations. For example,

• “You showed strong team spirit by cheering on your teammates at half-time. You didn’t give up in spite of the challenge facing you.”
• “After your failure in the second term, you showed great perseverance: you wrote down your recovery periods in your calendar and reread your notes after school.”
• “You demonstrated your sense of fairness by telling your employer that your coworker with less experience was getting more hours than someone else. It took some careful analysis and courage for you to mention this inconsistency to your superior.”

In addition to boosting their self-confidence, these observations become concrete reference points for your teen as they navigate their path forward. Speaking in this way emphasizes the behaviour, not the person. In the case of criticism, the action can be separated from the person by saying, “That choice was risky,” rather than “You’re irresponsible.”

Take a step back and stay objective

Be careful, however, your feedback must remain objective, which is rather difficult given that the context is not. Even without meaning to, parents can project their own desires or ambitions onto their children or offer them immediate solutions to save them from making mistakes. This reflex, which is quite understandable, reflects a desire to see children achieve their full potential.

Accompanying a teenager in their self-discovery requires you to take a step back and accept that they may be different from you and that they can shape their own life.

Listening to a young person isn’t just about hearing their words. It means allowing them to think for themselves, at their own pace. To be a successful listener, it’s best to ask open-ended questions, leave space and accept silences. When you take this approach, you’re not looking for the right answers: you’re helping them to discover their own.

Getting to know yourself is an essential step in the guidance process, one that will support a more aligned academic and professional future. By discovering their strengths, interests and values, the teenager will gradually be able to make decisions—such as a choice of study program—that truly align with who they are.

Acknowledge this transformation, without judgment

For parents, the challenge often lies elsewhere: staying open. This means recognizing that your teenager is becoming a person in their own right, perhaps even quite different from you. Your presence counts more than your answers, especially in a process where there is no one right path.

When you’re listening, you’re passing on something precious: the ability to work through uncertainty, to find your own solutions and to think things through. The latter fosters greater decision-making maturity, which is essential when making career choices. Little by little, they are learning to take responsibility... and become a full player in their own life.

To guide you, here are some sample questions to ask:

• What options are open to you right now?
• In your opinion, what impact might this choice have?
• What keeps you going when things are hard?
• What would be a realistic first small step?
• What has this situation taught you about yourself?

A young person overwhelmed by their emotions will find it harder to think about their choices or to imagine their future. These emotions can be intense, changeable and sometimes confusing, and may be accompanied by impulsivity or strong reactions. In this context, young people need support to understand what they’re going through... but, above all, they need to feel that their emotions are acknowledged. Even when their emotions seem exaggerated to you, they’re very real to your child. Validating these emotions is already helping your child calm down.

Telling your child, “I understand why you feel that way” helps to lessen their defensiveness and open up dialogue. You can also help them to put into words what they are experiencing: nervousness, anger, feelings of being lost, excitement... Naming emotions is the first step towards taming them. For more reserved young people, suggest a different way of expressing what they’re going through, such as keeping a personal diary.

Remember what adolescence is like

It’s important to remember that adolescence is more than just a transition—it’s a real construction project. Young people’s brains are still developing, which influences their ability to plan and imagine their future. At the same time, their brains are often driven by a strong desire for novelty and can be more impulsive.

Emotions can also be very intense, making self-image more changeable and reactions sometimes strong. For example, they may have difficulty imagining the future, hesitate frequently or allow themselves to be influenced by their peers. Of course, every young person goes through this period in their own way, but by keeping these points in mind, it’s easier for parents to support their teenager with understanding.

You don’t have to wait for the perfect moment to be there for your child. This presence is often felt in everyday moments: in the car, during a meal, between two activities or at the start of the day. Without initiating a formal discussion, just being there, available and accessible, fosters a climate that encourages open communication. Often, it’s enough to sprinkle in small interventions at different times, when the situation permits.

Being present means, first and foremost, connecting with the young person as they are, in the here and now. It means offering a form of stability, giving them a “parachute” to reassure them, soothe them and remind them that you’re there in support, without any particular pressure or expectations.

Beware of harmful reflexes

Even with the best intentions, certain attitudes—particularly those of parents—can sometimes hinder young people’s development: wanting to solve problems too quickly, minimizing emotions, giving unsolicited advice, comparing them to others or interpreting reactions prematurely. Becoming aware of these reflexes enables us to adopt a more appropriate posture, focused on listening, understanding and support.

Trust the process

At first glance, some teenagers may seem immobile or disengaged, as if they’re standing apart from the world. And yet, a genuine transformation process is underway on the inside. Parents therefore play a key role in developing their teens’ self-awareness. They contribute directly to a more informed academic and career guidance process, fostering career choices in line with their interests, values and strengths.

References

• Siegel, D. J. (2014). Le cerveau de votre ado: comment il se transforme de 12 à 24 ans (S. Rolland, translator). Laval, QC: Guy Saint-Jean, publisher.
• Ratelle, C. F., Boisclair-Châteauvert, G., Bureau, J. S., Duchesne, S., Litalien, D., & Plamondon, A. (2022). Identification des besoins des parents dans l’accompagnement de leur enfant durant leur parcours scolaire. Research report submitted to the Fonds de recherche du Québec—Société et Culture (FRQSC), as part of the joint project “Programme de recherche sur la persévérance et la réussite scolaires.” Université Laval.
• Academos. (2024). Rapport Gen Z 2024 : Comprendre les aspirations professionnelles des jeunes en 2024. Montréal, Quebec. This study was conducted by Academos in collaboration with Desjardins and the research firm SOM.